Phew...

I almost cried at work today for the first time ever.

DISCLAIMER BEFORE READING ANYMORE: I love my job more than anything and almost always look forward to leaving my house at 6:30 and trekking up to the Bronx to see 6 smiling faces looking at me. I'm also on my period and thus hyper-emotional. Also hyper-emotional because of all the personal things going on.

So anyways, today one of my students was OUT OF CONTROL at breakfast. Yes, the whole wanting to cry thing happened before I even got to my classroom with my students. I don't want to get into it but she was basically in crisis mode (I have severely special ed. students) and no one in the cafeteria was helping me. But it's over and done, tomorrow will be better.

But you know, it just sucks. Normally when people talk about crying at work, it's because of something a mentally-capable adult does. I was about to break down at work because of what a 6-year-old with autism was doing. Sigh.

Since I was feeling like absolute crappity crap after school, I decided to decompress in bed for a little bit and then go on a run. And believe it or not, I actually got out of bed to do it! Honestly, it's 3 hours post-run, and I'm still shocked that I kept my promise. And being so surprised with myself, of course I'm in a better mood.

Maybe I'm finally subconsciously REALLY committed this time to becoming more active and getting in shape. And this makes me verrryyyy happy. It's been a while since I've considered myself an active person. I started out by jogging before stopping to catch my breath and stretch, and my lungs were DYING. But instead of turning around, I kept going, and ended up at the George Washington Bridge! All the way from Columbia! This fact definitely made me happy, I think *maybe* I got a shot of the elusive "runner's high".... but maybe it was a fluke.

I then ran back downtown through Harlem, which I acutally enjoyed a lot more than running on the street in the Upper West Side. Definitely more interesting and more things to see and keep my mind off of running.

Hopefully I can keep this up. I'm not a runner by any stretch of the word. I have no arches in my feet, and thus horrible knees, I'm slow, and I feel like a panting dog when I do it. BUT, I'm not doing it for anyone else, so I don't care if I look or sound ridiculous, I'm doing it for me. Who knows, maybe I'll even get crazy and pony up the $100/month to join a gym soon...??

The aftermath

I finally talked to my Mom today. I'm just so sad about the whole situation. I'm not even angry anymore, just sad. I wish that it didn't have to come down to a DUI before she got help. In a way, I'm thankful that this happened because it gave me the chance to finally be honest for the first time in my life. And there's no denying it now. And she knows that, and agrees with everything I had to say.

I just want things to be different. She says she's never going to drink a drop of alcohol ever again in her life. But part of me is thinking, how realistic is that? But then again, I don't really know that much about addiction. Does it have to be cold turkey? Or can she learn to control it? I have no idea.

Hopefully the judge will at least let her drive to work. Otherwise, I don't know what will happen. I just wish I could be there with my sister. Luckily, she's going back to MSU today so she doesn't have to be dragged down by this situation. But it sucks. Sometimes I hate her but I'm so glad that I have Audrey. I can't imagine going through this without her.

So now I'm just sitting here watching the Giants suck right now against the Eagles. Boo. I wanted to have a team to cheer for in the Super Bowl for ONCE in my life. Maybe next year. I can't stop stuffing my face with Haagen Daaz strawberry sorbet. Oh well, at least it's fat-free, right?

On a horrifying health related note- Wii Fit said I was OBESE!!!! Ugh. I know I'm overweight but I didn't think it would classify me as OBESE. I feel like I can never believe that kind of stuff because I have a lot of muscle and am only a size 14. Is a size 14 OBESE? Sorry I keep having to capitalize it, but it's just that sort of word. In happier news, it said that my Wii Fit age was only 20, which is 2 years younger than I really am. Glad I'm getting a kick-start on the aging process.