Jail.

My mom is in jail.

Never, EVER, in my entire life did I ever think I'd be writing such a sentence. I can't even write about it in my actual real-life-write-with-a-pen journal because it feels too permanent. I can write it in here becaue I can go back and delete this if I can't bear to look at that word.

I grew up with dance recitals, planting vegetable gardens in the front yard, straight A report cards, being an altar girl, going to grandma's every Sunday for extended family dinner, with my mom as the parent volunteer in elementary, I grew up never knowing what heartbreak was.

And now I'm truly heartbroken at where my mom is (I can't even write it). Yes, she gets out tomorrow and it's been less than a week and she's still able to go to work while she's there. But just thinking of my mom in there... I can't even being to imagine what she has to wear when she's in there and what she has to eat or where she sleeps.

I don't know if I even WANT to know any of the details. I kind of just want to forget that she ever had to go there.

I've been able to talk to her Monday and Tuesday because she's working and has her cell phone, and she sounds so good. So good. I'm having more problems with all of this than she is. She's thankful that she just got pulled over and didn't cause an accident. She says she knows this is so life-changing for her and says that she's "glad to be there" because it's such an important lesson.

I need to let go of my whole perfect life thing. Growing up, I always thought I had the perfect life. Obviously, I don't. SO far from it, it's not even funny.

I need to find a way to get over this. I've even gone to church for the past 2 weeks in a row to try to find answers and peace. I haven't gone to church alone and willingly for 8 years. And it is helping, surprisingly.

I just hope I can get over this. My mom has- and now I need to, too.

(All I see in this post is "I" "I" "I", me me me, but it's late.)